No.181
more than anything.
I've been thinkin' about today, well, its more like I was forced to be angry at myself. Normal sexual attraction to women, it's not something to make big deal out of it, it is simply sexual demands of the body. Yet, there are monks and men who put themselves through chaste vigor, even if a lot of them were fake. When I look at Charybdis, I feel warm and excellent, it makes me feel like a kid playing together with someone. And that ultimately is the source of my rage, the black pitch reality, charybdis is a whore and most evil of creatures who is evil. I do not respect her. If a person wants something, there's gotta be ulterior motive, this is no exception. She is evil and the only reason why she would love anybody is out of malice for herself. She wants to gain something from me. I am trying to rationalzie it in my brain using logic that drives to win over my instinct. Charybdis is just EVIL. I can feel it too, I can feel it's right but I want to change my fate. Even if it means being alone, I don't want to be used. I need to change my fate, my future because I don't want to get fucked over just because a woman was nice to me. I know it well from my history because I should be able to rationalize justice towards women. But there might be text limit on this board, lemme fix it.
No.182
Ok, now let's begin the meditaion as to say. Did you know Marcus Aurelius get cucked? His wife fucked every man. Women are scumbags who rely solely on their sexual instinct, they'd fuck anybody and according to many snopes studies women dream about cheating on their husband, especially during ovulations. I can't fucking BELIEVE my protein still is being delivered, probably because someone is getting their dick sucked. So, is Charybdis evil? She is caring, motherly, has enourmous tits that give kindness, the attitude of submissiveness as a booby maid, superstrength. NO! If you don't want to be betrayed, it's simple. What is her goal? If Charybdis had other female friends and if she is horny, what would she do? She would masturbate, of course. Unless, she had strict parents. Hypothetically, it is possible Charybdis masturbates every week. However, she works a lot so it's unlikely possibility however it might be. Normally, women never masturbate because they always have a man that they can choose to help them with it. Then, we assume Charybdis is manipulative, there's no reason for her to believe in the idea of good samaritan. The only reason why she shows positive attitude is because 1. she has no other choice left.
I will go from now on with that Charybdis simply has no choice and (you) are the sole male available, which forces her in tricky position forced to choose you. In that regard, there is no love. Love has to be earned, it has to be fought for. But women don't fight for it. Although, maybe she competes eitheway it's evil and untrustworthy. If all is fair in love and war so is murder. Evil is allowed therefore no love existed. Love is not born from something that shallow as urge and desire for a child to be given sexually.
So if there is a woman who is kind or friendly, she most likely does it 2. out of fear, the only explanation is simply that she klnows that being kind to men gives her inherent advantage and that's why she does it. No freedom, simply exploitative behavior. Could I ever love charybdis knowing she does things for these two reasons, and if there are any reasons it'd be hard to believe them? I don't believe Charybdis is good person. I am also running out of energy, but feel less angry.
That's why smiling doesn't ever matter. Why smile in the first place, that's the question that I must ask? To exploit. That's the only thing a woman does, exploit exploit. Sexuaal endeavor doesnt truly help you in anyway but it does have bioological benefit. That said, biological benefit doesn't change the shallowness.
So, do I respect charybdis? No. Deep inside she only cares about using others. There is no way she's righetous. She doesn't really want to heal or help, it's simply a job forced upon her. So, Charybdis has always been shallow person, that's my deduction.